


17 Again

by AlienLemons



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abuse, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Birthday, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Emotions, Gay Nuns, Homophobia, Homophobic John Winchester, M/M, Married Castiel/Dean Winchester, Trauma, fuck john winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-24 01:14:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30064404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlienLemons/pseuds/AlienLemons
Summary: Dean finally shares some of the childhood trauma that John inflicted on him. Cas comforts him.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Destiel
Kudos: 34





	17 Again

**Author's Note:**

> This story does deal with sensitive topics like abuse. I got this idea from one of @abnormalamanda_18 videos on tiktok so go show them some love.

It was about a month after Dean and Cas had gotten married and they were laying in bed telling stories about themselves. Cas had many stories considering he is thousands of years old and many of his stories were historic and pretty interesting. Dean told him stories about life on the road and funny things Sammy had done when he was little.

“Sammy was so funny. He used to stick out his tongue when he was concentrating. so he was trying to aim a gun and stuck out his tongue and when the gun backfired he bit it and I was on the floor I was laughing so hard. Course dad didn’t think it was funny and started scoldi’n us for not paying attention.” Dean laughed remembering the event so long ago.

Dean was lying in Cas’s lap while they sat on the bed. “One time it was Sammys birthday so I wanted to do something special for him so I scrounged up some money and I made mom's famous Winchester surprise. His face lit up like a Christmas tree when he saw it. Then we stayed in and watched scooby doo all night.”

“Dean?” Cas said quizzically.

“Hm?”

“What did you do for your birthday? We angels didn’t celebrate them mainly because we have existed for thousands sometimes millions of years and we don’t really perceive time considering it’s a social construct created by humans.”

“Oh well I didn’t really celebrate my birthday. I might have a bag of vending machine chips with a candle on top or my dad would give me pat on the back. He usually wasn’t there for non important things like a birthday or Christmas. It was mainly me and Sammy celebrating alone or sometimes….just me” Dean looked off his eyes looking a bit hurt.

“Just you?”

Dean cleared his throat “uh yeah he’d send me away sometimes if I really pissed him off so i celebrated things alone sometimes.” Dean trailed off

“I kinda felt like I was leavin Sammy but I didn’t have a choice in the matter. If dad said go I went if he said jump I said how high and if anyone questioned that then off to the floggers with you. I tried to give Sam a good childhood somethin I never had tried to protect him but dad made that real hard. Heh one time I lost our money and he got so mad and when he got home…. let’s just say I sent Sammy to the grocery store before he came home and I’m glad I did. Sent me away for around two months. Best two months of my godamn life. The people there were kind, no one made me shoot a gun. I didn’t have to scrape together money so both me and Sammy could eat. He um” Dean choked on his words as they got caught in his throat.

“You don’t have to talk about If you don’t want Dean” Cas reassured him.

“No no it’s fine I’ve been keeping it in long enough. I never let Sammy see the bruised he gave me let alone the scars I gave myself. It wasn’t his place to worry about it. He was just a kid….I was just a kid.”

~~~~FLASHBACK DEANS 17th BIRTHDAY~~~~~~~~

It was 1996 at some high school that Dean didn’t bother learning the name of he was probably going to be leaving it soon so what was the point. They had been there for about a month so of course he knew people; he just didn’t care if they liked him or not. Sam had a friend of two one of them was actually the son of another hunter which made it much more likely that Sam would see him again eventually. It was a cold winter day and it was about lunch time.

“Hey Winchester!” A boy from homeroom called out in the halls. “Hey wait up” as the boy caught up to Dean, Dean internally sighed. This boy had been following him and trying to befriend him since he came to this school. The boy was openly gay and had tried showing Dean the wonderus world of the lgbt community. Dean however had no interest in learning. His dad had once told him “if you ever kiss a boy I’ll kick your ass to the kirb you hear me” so he never questioned it. He obviously didn’t want to get in trouble for being friends with the boy so he tried ignoring him. That obviously didn’t work. 

“Hey Dean, how's it hangin?!” He said putting his arm around Dean's shoulder.

“Get off me” he said not looking at him

“Alright alright. So you got any plans after school?”

“Why do you insist on talking to me? And no I don’t. Don’t you have other people to bother” 

“Oh don’t be such a sour puss. Hey we should hang out after school!” 

“No.” Dean said as he walked away.

The bell rang telling the students that lunch was over. Dean headed to his next class, science. Unfortunately his lab partner was the boy who was constantly trying to become his friend. “Alright class this project is due next week and it will be a group project so you and your lab partners will be working on this together.” 

The bell rang signaling that class was over. Next was gym the only thing Dean actually cared about. It was a chance to work out so he didn’t mind running the mile or something like that. He just didn’t like uniforms; they were basketball shorts and a t-shirt with the school logo on it. The school only gave them one set and this was it. You could buy a long t-shirt or a sweatshirt but that was more money that Dean did not have. He was already hustling pool and giving out his services for money to feed him and Sam. Dean never wore short sleeves not in public, not around his girlfriends (unless they were doing the devil's tango but it’s dark) not even around Sammy. Dean hated long sleeves for reasons that he told only God even if he didn’t listen. So Dean always wore his own shirt to gym or he skipped. He didn’t like people pitying him so he didn’t want people seeing his bruises or his scars. Someone from the school might call child protectives and that would just piss off his dad more. 

~~~~~~~~~~IN THE CHANGING ROOMS~~~~~~~~~

“Heyyy Deano, how's it hangin?” The boy asked

“Please leave me alone, what do you want?”

“Just a quick question Deanarino. Why do you only wear long sleeves?” He said leaning against a locker.

“Because it’s winter dumbass. He said, putting on one of his dad's old hoody’s that smelled of wood, baby, and the faint smell of monster blood.

“Guess I walked right into that one. Hey, so that science project is due next week so you wanna come over and we can do it?” 

“I’m good. You do your part and I’ll do mine.” He said, starting to walk towards the gymnasium.

“Right yeah but like we could do it together so we don’t procrastinate and can coordinate what we’re doing. If you don’t want to come over to my house I can come to yours?” He said following Dean.

“I don’t care, just leave me alone please.” He said, starting to run the mile.

After school ended Dean went back to the hotel picking Sammy up along the way. Dean didn’t bother doing his homework and sat on the bed watching scoobydoo while Sam did his math homework. When there was a knock of the door

“Hey Dean I hope you don’t mind but I kinda followed you home so we could work on the science project. Why are you in a motel by the way?” The boy yelled through the door.

“I’m heading to my friends house. I'll let your friend in while I leave. Bye Dean!” Sam walked out the door and the boy walked in and closed the door behind him.

“Why are you here? Get out” Dean said pointing to the door.

“I would do that but I already told my mom I was working on a project with a friend from school and since I’m already here let’s get started shall we” the boy started setting up the science homework on the desk so both boys could see it.

“Can I ask you something?”

“What?” Dean said.

“Why don’t you have any friends? Like not to be rude or anything but you kind of never talk to anyone. And like maybe it’s hard for some people to make friends but your brother seems to have already made friends and you got here almost a month ago so”

Dean looked a little taken aback by his bluntness “I’ll probably be changing schools soon anyway so what’s the point of making friends if your just gonna leave em” 

“Why are you leaving? You know I think we were starting to get along you know with you running away and telling me to get lost all the time” the boy laughing and a small slime was on Dean's face.

“Dad moves us around a lot for work” 

“Oh I see yeah dads can be difficult my old man still thinks he can ‘pray the gay away’ but I usually just pretend he isn’t there” 

“Oh I’m sorry that’s rough. I think i'd be dead if I was, you know”

“You can say gay Dean it’s not a bad word like adults make it out to be” he reassured 

After a while of talking they had actually found that they had some things in common for instance they both liked cars and cartoons. After a while of talking they got back to studying by then it was around six.

“Ok so number four, the study of classes is?” The boy looked up at Dean who was staring at him. Both of them gazing into one another’s eyes like they were trapped by a spell. The boy's brown eyes seemed to melt in Deans gaze. As they stared at each other they both unknowingly drifted closer to one another’s faces. Soon their noses brushed up against one another and their eyes closed and their lips locked in a kiss. 

After staying like that for a few seconds Dean came up for air absolutely flabbergasted at what he had just done. He’d kissed a boy. He’d kissed a boy. If his dad found out he’d have his head, heart, and lungs in his hand by diner time. But a single thought crossed his mind. Dads not here and that, that felt good. And for a moment Dean felt rebellious so he kissed the boy again. Soon they were making out slowly getting up from the table and holding each other close moving the make out session to a more comfortable place. Quickly Dean was laying on the bed, the boy on top of him.

~~⚠️trigger warning up ahead⚠️~~

And in that moment of bliss it shattered. Dean heard the faint sound of the door clicking open and before he could react he heard. “DEAN WINCHESTER WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOUR DOING!!”

Before Dean could react John had rushed to the bed, pushed the boy off of him and onto the ground. John went into a rage and punched Dean in the face. “IM GONE FOR A COUPLE WEEKS AND YOU TURN INTO A FUCKING F*GGOT” John continued to beat Dean. The boy on the floor started slowly getting up beholding the atrocity that was John Winchester. The things that John was saying to his own son could make a grown man freeze in his boots. The boy stood there speechless for a couple seconds trying to comprehend what Deans father was doing. 

The boy started trying to pull John off of the now crying Dean.” Stop it stop it was my fault!!! Stop!” He yelled trying to hit and pry John away from Dean. But to no avail. John turned around punching the boy in the face “GET THE FUCK OUT!!” Pointing to the door the boy ran terrified with a bloody nose out of the motel.

~~back to Dean and Cas~~

Dean still had his head on Cas’s lap but this time he was sobbing, finally letting out just a fragment of the pain and abuse John Winchester put him and Sammy through. Cas held him close rubbing his back for support 

After about ten minutes Dean calmed down. “Would you feel comfortable continuing the story Dean? Or would you like to stop, we could watch something instead if you’d like?” Cas said wiping away Deans tiers.

“No, I can finish it,” Dean said, pulling himself together. “After a buttlode of yelling, throwing stuff and a lot of beer and then more screaming and then he realized Sammy wasn’t there. And I had to tell him he was at a friends house and he flipped out over that and so till around one in the morning it was just him yelling and hitting and screaming non stop. The more beer he drank the angrier he got. He sent me to bed without dinner” Dean stared off seeming to remember the event clearly. A single man tear slipped down his cheek.

“The next morning Sammy was back and of course he was getting yelled at. I took the blame for most of it which I didn’t mind. That day was my seventeenth birthday. Dad said “pack your things you're going on a hunt” John said sternly.

“Don’t you mean we?” Dean asked.

“No. You're going on it by yourself should only take a week or so” he said coldly throwing one of the guns to him.

“I’ll leave tomorrow then” 

“No you're leaving now. Get in the car we’ll drop you off at a nearby hotel” he said malice and anger in his voice. John Winchester was a broken man. His wife had died when Sam and Dean were babies and he intended on exacting his revenge by any means necessary even if that meant abusing your own children leaving them with years of emotional and physical trauma and unable to talk about their emotions. (In conclusion John Winchester is the fucking worst stop defending him!) 

“But I was gonna spend the day with Sammy. Dad, it's my birthday!” He said, trying to persuade the man.

“NO. My decision is finally, get in the godamn car Dean!” John yelled. Sammy was already waiting in the car not wanting to provoke dad more than he already was.

John and Dean got in the car and started driving away from the town that had housed the boys for the month. “You're going on a hunt there’s no getting out of it Dean” there was a long pause before John continued “it’s just a salt ‘n burn you’ll be fine. Just some nuns.”

“How’d they die?” Dean asked, rubbing his eye that was slowly turning black and blue. His lip was bleeding and his cheeks were stained with tiers. His mind was racing with thoughts like ‘it could’ve been worse’. ‘why the hell did I kiss him’. ‘Don’t let Sammy see’. ‘You gotta stay strong for Sammy’. 

“Double suicide. They were in love and made a suicide pact after someone probably a fellow nun or a pastor found out. That’s what it gets you Dean. You wanna end up like them? I hear from people that the Christians are supposed to be the nice ones and if they can’t forgive it then hell if I will. Disgusting is what it is you hear me?” He said looking over at Dean who was looking out the window hiding his face from John.

“Yes sir” Dean said in a mumble almost a whisper.

“I said do you hear me Dean!?” John said, his temper rising slowly.

“Yes sir” Dean said, raising his voice to please his father.

“Look at me when I’m talking to you boy!” John demanded.

Dean looked John straight in the face, eyes red from crying lip bleeding and bruises on his arms and face “Yes. Sir.” Dean said with a slight pause in between words.

~~back to Dean and Cas~~

Dean and Cas laid on the headboard side by side resting their heads on one another “He made me hunt two gay nuns on my birthday” Dean said staring off into space.

Cas kissed the top of Dean's head “You got through it though. And now you don’t have to pretend, you can be yourself and if anyone ever treats you like that again I’ll personally kick their ass butts” Dean chuckled at the last part.

“I love you, you know that,” Dean said, staring into Cas’s eyes.

“I love you more,” Cas said, kissing Dean.

“Well I think that’s enough emotions for one day don’t you think. I am going to go make burgers, what do you think?” Dean said slowly getting out of bed.

“I would love one Dean but I don’t eat food. I will join you Sam and Jack for dinner but I have to make an errand real quick. Do you need anything while I’m out?” Cas said, also getting out of bed and pulling on his trench coat.

“Um could you get some more soda while you're out, maybe some Doritos for movie night?”

“Of course. I’ll be back soon” Cas poofed away to what Dean assumed was the store. Cas did not in fact go to the store he went to heaven. “Naomi where is John Winchester's room?” 

“It’s room 417 in the Winchester hall why?” She said looking up from her holy paperwork.

“Thanks” Cas walked away before Naomi could ask any more questions. Cas found John's room and swiftly opened the door. “Are you John Winchester? Father of Dean and Sam Winchester?” Cas asked, anger building in his eyes.

“Yes. Who are you?” John was on a porch of a suburban home drinking a beer and watching the birds.

“I’m Castiel. Dean's husband. It’s not a pleasure to meet you.” And with that introduction Cas punched John in the face. 

After a long while of beating the trash human that was John Winchester Cas finally stopped. “That was for the trauma, abuse, and neglect you inflicted on your children especially Dean” John lay there wounds quickly healing due to him being dead and this being heaven.

John didn’t have time to react to what had happened before Castiel was gone and John was left contemplating his actions for once in his life. Cas went back to earth. He stopped by the store to pick up the things Dean had asked him to get and poofed home. Dean was almost done with the burgers and Sam was setting up the plates on the table. Cas slowly traced his fingers over the initials carved into the wood. The only thought in his head was ‘home’.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed it please leave some love if you did it would really help out my page


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